


Right Where You Left Me

by hackfraud



Category: Gorilla Interrupted (2003), RedLetterMedia RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Diners, M/M, Reunions, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hackfraud/pseuds/hackfraud
Summary: Friends break up.
Relationships: Dex/Sid (Gorilla Interrupted)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

It was nearly midnight, and Dex was starting to grow impatient and hungry.

Dex never went to Sid’s shows because he didn’t like the music, and the crowds made him anxious. They always met at the same shitty twenty-four-hour diner afterwards, though. They would share a plate of greasy fries, Sid would attempt to sober up a bit, and then they’d walk home together where they may or may not have had mind-numbing sex.

Dex was happy with this arrangement. He didn’t really like people, aside from Sid (sometimes), and the diner was usually pretty empty. There were a few stray truckers sitting at the counter, but Dex was the only one in any of the booths. There was one waitress on the floor, the same one that was there every Friday night. She was a middle-aged black woman who wore her retro-styled uniform one size too small and her graying hair in braids. Her name was Nala, she called Dex ‘baby,’ and she was probably the closest thing to a maternal figure that he’d ever known.

Dex sighed, looking down at his coffee cup. The clock on the wall chimed, signaling that it was now indeed midnight in Milwaukee. Dex frowned, feeling worry start to seep into his stomach.

It wouldn’t be the first time that Sid had gotten in trouble at one of his shows and left Dex sitting in the diner for hours, waiting and worrying. He had once gotten a little too excited during a particularly energetic set and threw his guitar into the crowd, hitting a guy in the head and subsequently knocking him out. The guy’s friends immediately rushed the stage, tackling Sid and beating the absolute shit out of him. Someone called the cops, but Sid got away and managed to hide in a dumpster until everything calmed down. He made it to the diner by 2:00, where Dex was still waiting. Dex helped him stumble home, where he tended to his wounds. Interestingly enough, that night was the first time they had sex.

Dex groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back against the wall behind him. Every minute that passed added to his worry. His stomach was churning. When he opened his eyes, he saw a couple of the truckers at the counter eyeing him suspiciously.

Dex felt his face flush with embarrassment, and he quickly looked back down at his coffee mug. Since that night, almost a year before, rough sex with Sid in one of their basement bedrooms had turned into a near weekly occurrence. Sometimes Sid was too drunk or depressed after a bad set, and they’d just go their separate ways when they reached the little alley between their houses. Dex would never admit it out loud, but he dreaded those nights. Not necessarily because he craved the sex (although, he did – a lot), but because he was worried that Sid would do something stupid and reckless when left all alone like that.

Once Sid had stumbled into the diner angry and wasted after losing yet another drummer. Sid usually didn’t care about that kind of thing, but he actually kind of liked that guy and thought he was a decent musician. When he slid into the booth, Dex had noticed Sid’s eyes were red and puffy – like he’d been crying. Dex instinctively reached for his hand, not really knowing what to say but wanting to offer comfort. Sid had reeled back in disgust, calling Dex a fag and storming out of the diner before Nala could even bring him his coffee. Dex sat in the diner for another hour after that, stewing in self-pity and confusion, before dragging his own sorry ass home.

When he got there, he could hear music blasting from Sid’s basement. Even over the music, he could hear Sid screaming. Dex had gotten angry over Sid’s behavior and stormed into his basement to find him holding a whiskey bottle in one hand and a dented metal baseball bat in the other. It had taken Sid over five minutes to even realize Dex was there. When Sid finally noticed him, Dex had gotten all red-faced and told Sid that he was reminding Dex of his father. For a moment, Dex was scared that Sid was going to beat him to death with the bat. Instead, he had dropped it and fell into Dex’s arms, crying and apologizing profusely.

They never talked about that night again.

Now, Dex was stewing in self-pity and confusion all over again. He was a quarter after twelve now, and there was still no sign of Sid. Dex’s stomach was hurting, his heart racing, and he was starting to think that maybe he had too much coffee. He glanced over to the counter, looking for Nala. He must’ve looked pathetically lost because the cook that Dex had never heard speak before grunted from behind the grill that she went outside for a smoke.

The leather of the booth squeaked as Dex slid out of it, deciding that maybe a trip to the restroom would make him feel better. The fluorescent lights in the dingy restroom were somehow even harsher than the ones in the front of the diner. Dex took off his glasses and set them on the grimy counter and leaned against the sink, staring blankly at his fuzzy reflection in the mirror. The trip to the restroom might’ve actually made Dex feel worse, somehow. He shook his head and turned on the faucet, splashing some water in his face. It was lukewarm and smelled like sulfur; not at all refreshing like he’d hoped it would be.

He dried his face off with one of the scratchy brown paper towels they had in the restroom and then put his glasses back on. He felt cold and hot at the same time, the sweat dripping down his neck making him shiver. He stumbled toward one of the stalls, opening the door and falling to his knees. He barely got a grip on the toilet seat before he starting vomiting.

At one point, the door opened and Dex heard one of the truckers stalk over to the urinals. Dex couldn’t even bother to be embarrassed, and the trucker didn’t seemed phased either.

Dex heard the trucker leave without washing his hands, which might’ve made him vomit even harder. At one point, his glasses nearly fell off his face and into the toilet. He barely managed to save them. When his puking had subsided into sporadic dry heaving, he flushed the toilet and leaned back against the stall. His stomach growled, as if it wasn’t already empty enough before he hurled up all its contents. It suddenly dawned on Dex that he hadn’t really eaten anything all day. He managed to pull himself to his feet and stumble back over to the sink. He washed his hands, because he wasn’t some disgusting hillbilly trucker, and then made his way back out into the diner. There was still no sign of Sid.

There were two less truckers at the counter than there were when he entered the restroom, leaving only one at the counter. Dex wasn’t sure if it was the one who walked in on him puking or not. He couldn’t decide if it would be horrifying or comforting if it was.

He slid back into his booth, breathing heavy. He picked up his coffee mug with a shaky hand and took a sip. It was getting cold, and Dex had put too much creamer in it. The sweetness wasn’t helping with his queasiness. Nala still wasn’t back.

He thought about just leaving, but the idea of Sid showing up here to find Dex gone made him feel both sad and scared. Sid would either be hurt or angry, and Dex wasn’t sure which one would be worse. At least if he was angry, there was still a chance of Dex getting his back blown out.

He took his glasses off again and rubbed at his eyes, feeling both exhausted and like he may never sleep again. When he put them back on, he looked up at the clock to see that it was nearly one.

Dex decided that if Sid didn’t show up in the next fifteen minutes, he would leave. He tapped his fingers anxiously against the laminate tabletop. He wanted to order some food, but Nala still hadn’t come back inside. Dex was kind of starting to worry about her too. Everything felt wrong, like he was in an episode of The Twilight Zone or something.

There was some 80s power ballad playing faintly on the radio, and it felt out of place in the 50s-themed diner. Heart or Blondie or something like that. Dex could never really distinguish any of those female-fronted hair rock bands from each other. He thought about slinking over to the jukebox and changing it, but he doubted they even had Devo.

The clock continued to tick away, and Dex continued to feel like he was slipping into some other horrifying dimension. He reluctantly threw back the rest of his cold coffee, nearly gagging as he chugged it down. Nala finally came back inside after what felt like years to Dex. She looked almost as concerned as Dex to see that Sid still hadn’t arrived. Dex earnestly waved her over.

“Can I get some water, please?” he asked her, his voice scratchy. “And some fries, I guess. Maybe a burger too.”

She muttered an ‘of course, baby’ before looking sadly over at Sid’s side of the booth and scurrying back to the kitchen. Sid only had five minutes to show up before Dex vowed to leave, but he supposed he would at least give him until he finished his burger. The trucker at the counter got up from his stool and made his way to the front door. He side-eyed Dex on the way out, grimacing slightly.

It was definitely the guy who walked in on him puking.

“Thank you,” Dex said when Nala returned with a glass of water. She ruffled his hair and made her way back to the kitchen. Dex chugged down the water like he’d just spent months stranded in the desert, the coldness of it stinging his teeth a bit.

Then the bell attached to the front door jingled.

Dex looked up to see Sid sauntering into the diner, a wide smile plastered on his face. Dex was frozen with his glass of water still held up to his lips. Everything seemed to moving in slow motion, and Dex’s ears were ringing.

Sid stopped at the jukebox on his way over to the table, popping a quarter in and quickly flipping through the songs before finding what he was looking for. Soon a song that Dex recognized as Nirvana was filling the room. He set his glass down on the table, frowning. Maybe they would’ve had Devo after all.

“Oh,” Dex said as a hand set a large greasy burger down in front of him, just as Sid was sliding into the booth. “Thanks, Nala.”

“Nala, babe, I’ll have me usual,” Sid said in that stupid accent, smiling up at her with a sharkish grin.

She rolled her eyes but smiled, pinching Sid’s cheek before walking away. Dex didn’t say anything, instead focusing on meal in front of him. His stomach growled again, loudly, as he picked up the burger. The burger was huge, and it looked absolutely massive in Dex’s tiny hands. 

It dripped with grease, which would usually disgust Dex and make him lose his appetite, but he was so hungry and tired that it looked absolutely delicious. He brought the burger to his mouth and took as much of the burger into his mouth as he possibly could. It tasted as if Dex hadn’t eaten in months, and he actually moaned as he chewed it. He looked over at Sid, who was already staring at him with a glint in his eyes and a smirk on his face. Dex felt himself smirking too, even if he was a bit angry at Sid for making him worry to the point of becoming ill. Dex continued to devour the burger, and Sid reached over the table to pick at his fries. Nala returned with Sid’s cup of black coffee and another water for Dex.

Dex chugged that glass down just as fast as he did the first one. His mouth still felt impossibly dry, despite all the water and grease he’d consumed in the past five minutes. Dex felt relieved and blissed out, and he thought for a moment that maybe that greasy diner burgers were better than sex. Then he looked back at Sid and immediately retracted that thought.

He was oozing with confidence, leaned back against the booth with his arms sprawled out. Sid always sat like that, like he was the hottest thing to ever grace anyone’s presence. It might’ve been true, at least in Dex’s case. There was something different about his attitude, though.

He was exalted, eyes shining and cheeks rosy. Dex could feel Sid’s leg bouncing up and down under the table, like he couldn’t wait to tell Dex about his night but was waiting for him to finish his burger. Dex sighed, took another bite and then set his burger down, pushing his plate away and signaling for Sid to speak.

“You wouldn’t believe the fucking night I had, mate!” he finally bursted, leaning forward onto the table.

Dex chuckled at Sid’s enthusiasm, leaning back in the booth and crossing his arms. He was way too tired to reciprocate his excitement, and the burger was starting to feel heavy in his stomach. Sid was staring into his eyes, almost unblinking, and still smiling from ear to ear. He kind of looked like a psychopath. 

“Do you remember all those agents,” he continued, taking another fry from Dex’s plate and popping it into his mouth, “that I made you email for me?”

“Yeeeaaah,” Dex drew out. “What about them?”

“One of them came to me bloody show tonight, mate!” he exclaimed, bits of chewed up fry flying out of his mouth. Dex suddenly felt queasy again. “And he fucking loved me!”

“Oh,” Dex muttered. He brought one of his thumbs up to his mouth and started gnawing on the dry skin there. If his fucked up teeth were an indicator of anything, it was that he sucked his thumb as a kid, and this was the closest thing he could get to it as a somewhat functioning adult. “That’s cool,” he continued, trying to perk up when he saw Sid’s smile falter a bit. “What’d he say?” he said, pulling his thumb away from his mouth and leaning forward.

“He wants to bloody sign me!” Sid shouted, his enthusiasm quickly returning.

Time stopped. Dex was certain he had entered some other plane of existence.

“Oh,” Dex repeated after what was probably too long of a pause. “That’s great. I mean, that’s amazing. I’m happy for you, dude. What does, uh. So, now what?”

“He wants me to move to Chicago,” Sid said, deflating a little bit. At least he had the decency to act a little sad. “I mean, uh. I have to. I have to move to Chicago, if I want the deal.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And, uh. I have to leave soon. Like, tomorrow.”

“What?” Dex shouted, finally making eye contact with Sid. He was immediately embarrassed, sinking back down into the booth and glancing over at the counter where Nala was obviously trying to act like she hadn’t been listening. “Sid, that’s. I mean, dude. That’s pretty sudden.”

“I know,” Sid sighed. “But this guy’s leaving tomorrow, and he said he’d only pay for me flight if I left with him. I don’t have much of a choice.”

“Stay, for a few days, at least,” Dex argued. His heart was racing, and he felt like he might vomit again. “Take a fucking Greyhound or something.”

“I can’t afford a bus ticket.”

“Chicago isn’t that far! I mean, it’ll be cheap. You can’t just—”

“If it’s not that far, then why are you freaking out about me moving there?” Sid interrupted, seemingly becoming just as flustered as Dex. “You know I’m fucking broke. You’re paying for this coffee that I’m drinking.”

“You haven’t even touched it.”

“Good, maybe Nala won’t charge you.”

“Fuck you, Sid.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both of them with their arms crossed and eyes focused on anything but each other. The jukebox was playing AC/DC.

“I’m going, Dex,” Sid said, voice suddenly free of his shitty accent. “This could be my big break. The best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know it must suck for you because you’re in love with me or whatever, but that’s not my fault. I can’t pass this up,” he rambled. His face was red, his lips pressed into a thin line. “You should be fucking happy for me,” he finished, voice cracking.

“I’m not—” Dex started, preparing to deny the claim that he was in love with Sid but then deciding there was no use, because he so obviously was. “I mean, I am happy for you.”

Sid uncrossed his arms and sighed. “I’ll miss you too,” he mumbled. “But I don’t see why we can’t visit each other.”

“Yeah, no, you’re right.”

Sid smirked, gaining a bit of his pep back.

“Hell, maybe if I make it real big,” he said, the accent seeping back in, “I can take you on tour with me!”

“Ha, yeah. I’m sure I’d do very well on the road. It’s not like I get insanely carsick on long road trips or anything.”

“Eh, buses feel different. You’ll be fine.”

Dex laughed dryly. He really did want to be happy for Sid and believe that they could somehow make this whole thing work, but there was something deep inside him that told him differently.

“So,” Dex sighed, then cleared his throat. He toyed with a cold fry, running it back and forth through the pile of ketchup on his plate. “Is Evan going to Chicago with you?”

“Oh, no. They want to sign me as a solo artist.”

“Oh. Must’ve pissed him off, hearing that.”

Sid shrugged. He didn’t particularly care about his current drummer. Saw him more as a necessary evil than a benefit to his art.

“He doesn’t know, and I don’t really plan on telling him,” he remarked. 

Dex snorted, shaking his head. He pushed his glasses up on his nose, peering at Sid through them. Dex kind of liked Evan.

“So, you’ll have to tell him,” Sid continued. “When he inevitably shows up in your basement, looking for me. Or you won’t. You could lie and say I got arrested or something.”

“I’m not gonna do that,” Dex said, allowing himself to chuckle a bit. “If anything, I’ll tell him you got abducted by aliens.”

“Oi, don’t make light of that! We nearly lost our skins.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t,” Dex countered, now genuinely smiling.

“But we didn’t,” Sid repeated quietly. 

“So,” Dex said after a few minutes of silence. “What time’s your flight?”

“Eight,” Sid muttered, shifting in his seat. He was so excited to tell Dex all about this record deal when he got there, and now it seemed to be the last thing he wanted to talk about. Dex knew he should’ve felt bad, but he didn’t.

“So,” Dex sighed, looking over at the clock. “In six-and-a-half hours. Cool.”

Sid nodded, running a hand through his neon green hair.

“Yep,” he confirmed. He looked at Dex sheepishly, suddenly looking very tired. “I should probably get some sleep, but I really doubt I’m going to.”

“Mm,” Dex hummed, nodding. He wondered if that meant they were still gonna fuck. “I wonder if they’ll let you keep the hair. I’ve heard that labels can pretty much change your whole image, and there’s not really anything you can do about it. They pretty much own you. And your hair.”

“If you’re trying to scare me into staying, it’s not going to work,” Sid said, trying to convey humor but not really succeeding. “But they better not touch my bloody hair.”

“It was worth a shot. I’ve still got time to try and convince you, and I haven’t played all my cards just yet.”

“If anything were going to convince me to stay, it’d be that sweet ass of yours. But I don’t think even that’s gonna work, pal.”

Dex snickered, but he felt his throat tightening up like he was going to cry. He wiped a threatening tear from the corner of his eye and looked down at his hands.

“Well, I’m still going to try,” he said.

“Yeah, you fucking better,” Sid replied, kicking Dex under the table. Dex laughed.

“I was really worried about you earlier, when you were running late,” he said, peeking up at Sid.

“Ah,” Sid shrugged, leaning back in the booth. He was still playing footsy with Dex under the table. “I’m sorry, mate. You didn’t have to wait for me.”

“I thought that maybe you’d gotten into another fight or something. That might’ve been preferable, actually.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“No you’re not.”

Sid opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then promptly shut it. Dex reached up under his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. They were usually asleep in one of their beds by now.

“I’m glad you waited,” Sid said, the accent once again gone. He gently slid his combat-boot-clad foot up Dex’s calf. “Tonight, and that other time,” he whispered, eyes boring into Dex’s.

“Yeah,” Dex nearly whimpered, his cheeks hot. “Me too.”

“Who knows if we ever would’ve— you know, if you hadn’t.”

Dex swallowed the lump in his throat. It always amazed him how Sid could get him so worked up without really trying. He could feel his cock filling out in his jeans, and he was suddenly hyper-aware that they were still in the diner. He glanced nervously over at the counter, but it seemed that Nala and the cook had both stepped outside for another smoke break, or maybe just to give them some privacy.

“Gonna miss how cute you look when you get like this,” Sid groaned. He was still rubbing his foot up and down Dex’s leg.

“L-like what?” Dex stuttered, his mouth now extremely wet in contrast to the metaphorical cotton field it had been earlier.

“Hard for me,” Sid said, leaning back farther in the booth.

“Ah,” Dex gasped. Sid had stopped stroking Dex’s leg and had instead placed his foot directly on Dex’s crotch, pressing down onto his growing erection ever so slightly. “F-fuck. Sid, n-not here.”

“Aw, why not?” Sid pouted. He gently began to rotate his ankle, rubbing small circles against the tent in Dex’s jeans with his foot. “No one else is in here.”

“N-Nala could—”

“She won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Fine,” Sid sighed, pulling his foot away from its assault on Dex’s cock. “Come on, let’s go home. You can help me pack.”

“Okay,” Dex muttered, letting Sid pull him up from the booth. 

He reached into his pocket and dug out some money to place on the table before Sid dragged him out of the diner by the hand.

They walked home with Sid’s arm wrapped around Dex’s shoulders and Dex nuzzled into Sid’s chest.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time they got back to their houses, Dex had nearly forgotten that Sid was leaving him. They stumbled into Sid’s basement, clinging to each other like they were drunk. Sid might have been, just a little. Dex sat down on the futon, staring blankly at the wall with a crooked half-smile plastered on his face, while Sid went to grab himself a beer from the mini fridge. He cracked it open, chugging a bit of it down, before sauntering over to his closet. He knelt down and began rummaging through the items piled up on the floor. Sid had never been one to utilize hangers, instead just throwing all of his clothes into a pile on the carpet. Dex wondered how he knew what was clean and what was dirty, and then he came to the conclusion that he probably didn’t.

For a moment, Dex thought that maybe he would be better off without Sid. He could focus more on his experiments and inventions. He could try to work things out with Julie. He could stop spending all his time obsessing over some asshole who probably hadn’t done laundry in months.

“There we go,” Sid said, tossing an old leather suitcase onto the floor. “I think this thing was me grandad’s.”

“Certainly looks old enough,” Dex retorted, eyeing the peeling corners and mysterious watermark in the middle of the leather. Sid shrugged, dropping to his knees and pushing the lid open.

“I don’t even know what to take,” Sid said, starting to throw random clothing items into the suitcase haphazardly. “I wear the same thing,” he continued, “every bloody day.”

Dex hummed quietly in response. Sid did wear the same thing everyday, like he was some sort of cartoon character. He was actually like that in more ways than one, with the terrible accent and obnoxious personality and borderline comical appearance. Being around Sid was like sitting in a Nickelodeon writer’s room, just with more cussing and alcohol.

“I wrecked my guitar tonight,” Sid said nonchalantly as he continued to shove clothes into his suitcase. Dex perked up, knowing that he could be of some use in that case.

“Need me to fix it for you?” he asked, hoping it would give Sid an excuse to return to Milwaukee somewhat soon.

Sid shook his head, waving a hand in Dex’s direction.

“Nah,” he said. “Studio’ll give me a new one. A real nice one. Maybe even a Les Paul or somethin’.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

“It’s a real bloody nice guitar.”

“Right.”

Sid slammed the suitcase shut, causing Dex to jump a bit in his seat. Sid finished the rest of his beer in two big gulps and threw the empty can at the wall. He grabbed another one from the mini fridge and plopped down next to Dex on the futon.

“Oh, shit, you want some?” Sid said after taking a long sip, like he suddenly remembered that Dex was there. He looked over at Dex and held the can out for him. Dex didn’t usually drink, but he took the can out of Sid’s hand and took a short swig. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Sid said, smiling.

“Mm,” Dex hummed, handing the can back to Sid and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Still tastes like shit.”

“Yeah, I know. Maybe I’ll be able to afford the good stuff soon.”

Dex snorted, trying and failing to picture Sid drinking anything other than PBR.

“Don’t laugh, twerp,” Sid said, flicking Dex on the nose and grinning like an evil mastermind when Dex giggled. “I’m gonna be drinking top-shelf whiskey before the year is up. Just you wait and see.”

“Sure,” Dex said, leaning against Sid’s shoulder. “So, how are you getting to the airport?”

“Ah, I’ll make me dad take me.”

“Gotcha. How do you think he’s gonna react? Like, do you think he’ll be upset? Or, like, I dunno.”

Sid scoffed, shaking his head. He took a another swig of his beer, then exhaled dramatically.

“Nah, he’ll be fucking thrilled to get me outta here,” he sighed.

“Right,” Dex said, nuzzling his face against Sid’s shoulder. “Pam might even throw a party.”

“I’ll tell you one thing, for sure, I will not miss that cunt trying to act like me bloody mum.”

“I mean, she kinda is. She’s been married to your dad for, what, like, five years now? She’s just a shitty mom, that’s all.”

“She hates me bloody guts,” Sid chuckled, his shoulder shaking underneath Dex’s cheek.

“You gave her good reason to,” Dec argued, though he wasn’t sure why he was defending Sid’s stepmom so adamantly. “Taking money out of her purse like you did all the time.”

“Oi, it was only twice! I was gonna pay her back. Eventually,” Sid argued before finishing his beer. “Well,” he continued. “Probably not, actually.”

“Mhm,” Dex hummed against Sid’s shoulder, not even trying anymore to keep his eyes open. He was exhausted, and Sid was taking too long to initiate any sort of sex.

“Hey! Don’t be falling asleep on me now.”

“Sorry,” Dex mumbled. He sat up and yawned, stretching his arms out above his head. “It’s late,” he explained, smacking his lips.

“C’mere,” Sid said, reaching for Dex.

He pulled him into his lap so Dex was straddling him. Sid adjusted Dex’s crooked glasses for him, then began running his hands up Dex’s sides. Sid was never this gentle, and Dex was starting to get suspicious. He wanted to enjoy it, but everything still felt off.

Sid moved one of his hands to brush Dex’s nipple lightly through his shirt. Dex gasped quietly at the sensation, arching towards Sid’s touch.

“Let’s take this off,” Sid said, tugging at the hem of Dex’s t-shirt.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Mm, yeah. There we go,” Sid said once Dex was topless, once again gently stroking his sides. “Your skin’s always so soft,” he mumbled, looking up at Dex with shimmering eyes. “Gonna suck my cock, baby?”

Sid had never used any pet names on Dex in the past, and Dex tried to hide his disdain for being called such a sappy thing now. Everything felt wrong as he slid to the ground, settling between Sid’s legs. It was all too soft and gentle, and not at all like sex with Sid was supposed to be.

“You look so good on your knees,” Sid cooed, running a soothing hand through Dex’s hair.

“Mm,” Dex grunted, not really knowing to respond to this side of Sid. “Th-thanks.”

“Just sit there for a minute,” Sid said. Dex could see his erection growing in his pants, but neither one of them moved to touch it. Sid was just staring down at him, something akin to wonder in his eyes. “Just wanna look at you,” he mumbled.

“Uh,” Dex chuckled awkwardly, twiddling his thumbs in his lap. “Looking for anything in particular?”

Sid shook his head, eyes still boring into Dex.

“Take your glasses off,” Sid ordered.

“What?”

“Just, real quick. Wanna see something. Please.”

“Uh. Okay. Sure.”

Dex did as he was told, taking his glasses off and holding them unsurely in his hands. Everything was fuzzy, but he could make out Sid leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. For a moment, Dex thought he was going to kiss him. He just stared, though, into what Dex assumed were his own eyes. His head was starting to hurt.

“Wh-what’re you doing?” Dex finally asked after what felt like hours of them just sitting like that.

“I never knew what color your eyes were.”

Dex furrowed his eyebrows, confused. Sid’s accent was gone, and he sounded a bit choked up. Dex felt Sid rub a calloused thumb lightly across his cheek. Too gentle.

“Um,” Dex breathed out an unsure chuckle. “They’re green.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty.”

Sid eventually pulled his hand away and leaned back into the futon. Dex took this as a signal to put his glasses back on, so he did. When his eyes adjusted, he just saw Sid. Sitting there, still staring at him with watery eyes.

“Uh,” Dex started, feeling uneasy and maybe like they shouldn’t have been doing this. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘m fine.”

Sid did not look fine. He was pale and sweaty, and he still looked like he was going to cry. He looked like Dex did when he saw himself in the restroom mirror at the diner. He thought about grabbing a trash can, just in case Sid got sick. He was frozen, though, on his knees. Waiting for orders, like he always did when they had sex, even if this didn’t feel at like like their sex usually did.

“Can I, uh,” Dex started, clearing his throat, “take it out?”

Sid startled a bit, looking down at his pants and seemingly remembering that he had a boner. He looked back at Dex and nodded. Dex nodded too, placing his hands on Sid’s thighs. He was tense under his grip, and his skin was so hot that Dex could feel it through the fabric of his pants. Maybe he had a fever.

“Yeah,” Sid groaned under his breath once Dex had released him from his pants. He ran a hand through Dex’s hair again, his breath already growing more ragged. “There you go.”

“Ah,” Dex sighed, feeling himself smile. He was relieved by the familiarity of Sid’s cock in his hand. It felt like the most normal, real thing that had happened all night. The weight of it in his palm was like some magical force, grounding him and bringing him back to reality.

“God,” Sid moaned as Dex lazily stroked him. “Mm, fuck. Yes, baby.”

“Ah, c-can I put it in my mouth?”

Dex did his best to ignore the ‘baby’ and how uneasy it made him feel. He just wanted to get to that hazy, brainless feeling that Sid’s cock was so good at getting him to.

“F-fuck— yeah, baby. Suck my cock.”

Dex hungrily took Sid into his mouth, holding the base with a tiny hand and wrapping his lips around the thick head. Sid moaned, and then Dex moaned, humming against the velvety skin. He closed his eyes, savoring the salty taste, trying to commit it to memory. He didn’t know how long it would be before he got to taste it again, if ever.

“God, fucking hell,” Sid continued to babble. “Look at you. So fucking— fucking good for me. Y’ take my cock so good, baby. So fucking perfect for it.”

Sid’s voice was still tight, but Dex couldn’t tell if it was from trying not to cry or trying not to come. Either way, he still didn’t like how broken Sid sounded. It wasn’t exactly a boner killer, because Dex was still very much hard in his jeans. Sid just didn’t sound like himself; he sounded like some torn-up kid that was unsure and nervous about what would come next, and Dex supposed that maybe that’s all Sid ever was.

“So fucking perfect,” Sid repeated, breathy and blissed out. “Don’t know how I got so lucky.”

Dex whimpered against Sid’s cock, wishing he would just shut the fuck up. All Dex wanted was to have the normal, rough, impersonal sex they always had. He didn’t want to acknowledge that it was different this time, even if it was.

Sid’s breathy moans had gotten louder, more untamed. His large hands had both come to rest in Dex’s hair, tugging gently. For a moment it seemed like Sid was going to start fucking up into Dex’s mouth, and Dex hoped and prayed that he would. He didn’t, though. Just sat there as Dex lapped at the underside of his cock, glasses foggy and face flushed. Sid was close, and Dex knew how to push him over the edge. He gripped Sid’s hips with both of his little hands and took all of Sid’s cock into his mouth, brushing his nose against Sid’s dark pubes and choking slightly when the head brushed the back of his throat. Sid groaned, curling in on himself and pulling Dex’s hair so hard that Dex thought he might cry from relief at the sting.

“Fuck, baby,” Sid said, holding Dex’s head in place. “I’m gonna. I’m coming.”

And he was, shooting his warm load down Dex’s desperate throat.

“Shit,” Sid breathed out as Dex pulled off of him, lips red and puffy and shiny. Sid smiled down at him through hooded eyelids. “You’re so fucking good at that,” he praised. “No one better ‘an you.”

“I know,” Dex said flatly, because he did. Sid motioned for him to return to his lap, softly patting his thighs. Dex obliged, climbing up onto the futon and once again straddling Sid’s lap. Sid squeezed Dex’s hips, biting his lower lip and looking up him. Dex shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Sid’s intense gaze.

“Gonna miss it,” Sid mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to Dex’s exposed collarbone.

“Mhm.”

Sid continued to leave a trail of kisses all over Dex’s chest and shoulders. Dex just sat there, hands resting on Sid’s shoulders and staring blankly ahead at the wall. He wished Sid had a clock because he was exhausted and knowing how late it was might’ve given him an excuse to just go to sleep, but it would also remind him of how little time he had left with Sid so maybe it was for the better.

“So soft,” Sid mumbled, more to himself than to Dex. “How’d you get so soft?”

“Uh, I don’t— I don’t know,” Dex replied, squirming as Sid licked a long stripe across throat.

“Mm,” Sid hummed, wrapping his arms tightly around Dex and holding him in place as he blew a cool breath on the wet skin on Dex’s throat. “Y’ probably use lotion. Some fruity gay shit.”

“I—”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s—”

“I’m sorry.

“Sid, it’s fine.”

Sid was still holding onto Dex like a vice grip, like he was afraid he’d run away if given the chance. Dex would be lying if he said he wasn’t thinking about it, but for completely different reasons than what Sid was probably thinking.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Sid whispered after a moment. Dex rolled his eyes.

“Sid,” Dex said, his voice maybe the sternest he’d ever heard it. “It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Okay,” Sid muttered, finally loosening his grip on Dex arms. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

Dex snorted.

“I know.”

“I mean. Like. I’m gay. At least, a little bit.”

“Well, I would certainly hope so,” Dex said dryly, his worry and uneasiness turning into a tired irritation.

“Ha, yeah. Gay for you, at least.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, Sid?”

“What? Yeah, c’mere.”

Sid placed one large hand on the back of Dex’s head and pulled his face down toward his own. Their lips locked gently, and Dex was immediately thrown off by the languid pace Sid had set for them. They didn’t kiss very often, and when they did, it was usually sloppy and rough. All teeth and tongues and filthy moans. This was almost romantic, with Sid hands combing through Dex’s hair as he licked gently into his mouth. Dex whimpered into the kiss, frustrated.

“This is,” Dex mumbled into Sid’s mouth, “weird.”

“What? What— mm, what d’ ya mean?”

“You’re being weird,” Dex stated, pulling away from the kiss.

“No I’m not.”

“You are!” Dex shrieked. Sid reared back, looking like an injured animal. “You are,” Dex repeated, more quietly that time. “This isn’t— this isn’t how we do things. You’re too—”

“Too what, Dex?” Sid interrupted.

Dex didn’t answer. He just stared at Sid with a scowl, face red and chest heaving. Sid scoffed, shoving Dex off of his lap and standing up. He paced back and forth, rubbing his eyebrows like he had a headache. Dex just stared up at him from the futon, annoyance still bubbling inside of him.

“I’m just,” Sid started through gritted teeth, “trying to— fuck, Dex. You’re so fucking difficult. I’m just trying to, to...”

He trailed off, looking at the floor and running a hand through his hair. This is good, Dex thought, that he’s getting angry.

“Trying to what, show me that you’re in love with me too?” Dex said, wanting to push Sid even farther into that dark place.

Sid looked up, meeting Dex’s gaze with a fury that scared Dex almost as much as it excited him.

“Would you rather I fucking slap you around and and treat you like my bitch?”

“I mean, kinda! Yeah!”

“Fine!”

Sid shrugged off his jacket, tossing it to the ground and stalking back over to the futon. He loomed over Dex for a moment, eyes dark and menacing. Dex swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling his cock twitch in his pants.

“Ah,” Dex gasped when Sid grabbed his chin, gripping maybe a bit too tight. “S-Sid. That hurts—”

“Shut up,” Sid spat. “You fucking like it.”

“Y-yeah. You’re right. I d-do.”

“Yeah,” Sid groaned, kneeling on the edge of the futon. Dex’s mouth was wet and hanging open as he looked up at Sid like he was his guardian angel, saving him from the wretched night he was having. “You wanna be treated like a slut?” Sid asked, a fake sweetness in his voice. “Gonna fucking treat you like one.”

“Y-yes,” Dex breathed, eyes fluttering shut. “Please.”

“Fucking say it,” Sid said. He smacked Dex across the cheek, just hard enough for it to barely sting. “Say you’re my fucking slut.”

“Ah, I am. I’m your slut.”

“Probably never even loved me, eh? Y’ just love having someone to stuff you full of cock.”

“S-Sid, I—”

Sid cut him off with another kiss, only this time it was rough and animalistic. The way kisses with Sid were supposed to be. Dex moaned into Sid’s mouth when Sid bit his lower lip, sucking on it to the point where Dex could taste metal.

“Yeah, you fucking like that, when I make you bleed,” Sid groaned, pinching one of Dex’s nipples. “Fucking freak.”

“Ah, S-Sid. You don’t, hnng. You don’t gotta be so mean.”

“Oh, having a change of heart, are we?”

“I don’t— don’t know. I just want—”

“You don’t fucking know what you want, babe. Take your pants off.”

This time, being called ‘babe’ felt like a threat. Dex’s throat was dry, and his cock was leaking a steady flow of precome into his boxers. He fumbled with the button of his jeans and must’ve been taking too long, because Sid shoved him onto his back and tore them off himself. With Dex completely naked and Sid still completely clothed, aside from his hard-again dick peeking out of the top of his pants, Dex felt like nothing more than a plaything for Sid to use however he wanted. He loved it.

“On your stomach,” Sid instructed. “Yeah, there you go,” he menacingly cooed once Dex had obliged. “I’m gonna fucking wreck that ass. You want that?”

“Y-yes,” Dex mumbled into the cushion. “Please.”

“Yeah you do, fucking whore.”

Sid smacked Dex’s ass, and Dex squealed.

“Mm, wonder what I should do with you first,” Sid mumbled, running a surprisingly soothing hand over Dex’s ass.

“D-don’t care,” Dex replied. Sid smacked his ass again in retaliation. Dex could feel a hand-shape welt forming on his skin, and he drooled for the sensation.

“Such a mouth on you tonight,” Sid hummed, groping Dex’s ass. “Gonna have to shut you up.”

Dex felt the cushion sink with the weight of Sid climbing fully onto futon. His stomach bubbled with anticipation as Sid slid one long finger in between his ass cheeks.

“Mm,” Sid hummed. He pressed his finger against Dex’s hole, and Dex whined. Sid started to rub agonizingly slow circles around Dex’s rim. “I could skip out on the lube, just to show you how mean I really am,” he threatened.

“S-Sid,” Dex whimpered.

Sid chuckled, pulling his finger away.

“Nah, I won’t do that, even if you do deserve it,” he replied.

Dex rutted his cock against the cushion, dying for some kind of friction. It almost hurt.

“Look at you, can’t take it anymore,” Sid said, and Dex heard him pop open the cap of his lube.

“S-Sid, please,” Dex begged, daring a peek over his shoulder. Sid looked back at him with a dark glint in his eyes as he pressed his lubed-up finger slowly into Dex.

Dex moaned at the stretch, but it still wasn’t enough. He continued to grind against the futon, drool seeping onto the cushion. Sid eventually worked a second finger into him, then a third. He fucked into Dex’s hole at an agonizingly slow pace. Dex’s cock was red and chafing and begging for release.

“There we go,” Sid said, pulling his fingers out. “Don’t wanna get you too loosened up.”

“Sid,” Dex said, voice high-pitched and breathy. He had a white-knuckled grip on the arm of the futon. “I-I need you.”

Sid chuckled, deep in his chest. It was a sound akin to a lion snarling at its prey.

Dex realized how much their relationship resembled that of an apex predator and some lowly zebra or gazelle. As soon as Sid moved into the house next to Dex’s, when they were both still in high school, the whole world belonged to Sid. Dex was just living in it. Being stalked, waiting to get devoured – consumed.

“I know you do,” Sid replied.

“Inside me, I mean,” Dex whined. “Please.”

“I know what you meant,” Sid spat. He huffed, popping open the lube once again and applying a generous amount to his cock. “You always do that. Y’ talk to me like I’m stupid. Well, I’m—”

“Sid, I—” Dex began, peeking over his shoulder.

“Don’t fucking interrupt me,” Sid said, pushing Dex’s head back into the cushion with his clean hand. Dex felt his eyes sting with tears, wondering how long they had gone on unknowingly hurting each other. “You always do that too. Fucking interrupt me. Can’t stand it.”

“I’m sorry,” Dex whispered, barely loud enough for Sid to hear.

“Shut up,” Sid replied, lining himself up with Dex’s entrance. He was still pushing Dex’s head into the futon, a death grip on his hair. “Gonna fuck you so hard,” Sid continued, “you won’t be able to think or talk or interrupt me. How’s that sound?”

Dex didn’t answer.

“I said,” Sid said, pulling hard on Dex’s hair until he was arched up enough to feel Sid’s hot breath on his ear, “how does that fucking sound?”

“G-good. Please, Sid. Just, please.”

“Yeah, good. Good, good, good. Ah, fuck.”

Sid was sliding slowly into Dex, then he was suddenly fully sheathed in him with one harsh push. He let go of Dex’s hair, and Dex fell back forward onto the futon with a cry.

“Ah, fuck, how’s that feel, bitch?”

“Ah, shit,” Dex whined, his glasses crooked and fogging up. “S-so good, Sid.”

Sid hiked up Dex’s hips with one hand and pressed down onto his back with the other. He began fucking into Dex with reckless abandon, the sound of their skin slapping together filling the room. Dex cried and moaned against the cushion, the feeling of Sid’s cock tearing into him making his vision blacken around the edges. Sid leaned over him, moving one hand to the rest on the back of the futon. He was so deep, pounding into Dex’s prostate so hard that Dex could feel it in his stomach.

“Sid, I’m g-gonna—” Dex started, and then he was.

“Yeah, come all over that cock,” Sid said, not slowing his speed in the slightest. It was immediately too much for Dex’s overstimulated body. Dex cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure, letting his tears flow down into his glasses. “You can’t live without it, can you? Can’t live without this fucking cock. And I’m gonna leave you here to rot without it.”

“Sid,” Dex cried, his whole body shaking and drenched in sweat. He knew he deserved everything Sid was saying and doing, but it all still hurt so much.

Sid came soon after Dex, stilling deep inside him and releasing his load. He groaned, eyes pinched shut and hand still gripping Dex’s hip tightly. Dex was silent, his cheek pressed into the cushion. Sid stayed in him for a few moments, his cock still sporadically pumping out a few sad streams.

He eventually pulled out, and Dex squirmed at the sudden emptiness. He heard Sid fumble around for some tissues, cleaning himself but not making any moves to clean up Dex. Dex just laid there, body deflated and tired.

It was so late, and Dex had already been falling asleep before they even started any of this. His eyes stung with exhaustion, but they refused to shut. After a few minutes, he dragged himself up onto his knees. His whole body shook as he fell onto his back. He began to sit up, reaching for the box of tissues to clean himself up. Sid tossed them in his direction, and Dex grunted when they hit him in the chest.

“There, you got what you wanted,” Sid muttered, staring blankly at the wall.

“Sid...”

Dex wanted to apologize or maybe call Sid an asshole, but every sentence that formulated in his mind just didn’t sound right.

“Yeah.”

“I’m— Shit. I don’t—”

“Yeah. Me neither.”

They sat like that for a few minutes, avoiding eye contact and breathing heavy.

“You should go. I’ve gotta leave in a few hours. Wanna try to get some sleep.”

Dex nodded, still making no effort to move. It was only when Sid stood up, sulking over to the mini fridge and grabbing another beer that he did.

Dex quickly wiped up the mess around his ass and got dressed.

Sid stood facing away from him, taking large swigs of his beer. Dex approached him cautiously, wanting to reach out. Just as he was about to touch his shoulder, though, he stopped himself. He turned on his heel and walked towards the steps that lead outside. He made no effort to close the door quietly, slamming it behind him as he stepped out into the alley.

It was cold outside, and there were dewdrops forming on the grass.

Dex just stood there, back against Sid’s house, and stared up into the night sky. His throat was tight, and his whole body heaved as he let out a broken sob.

He cried for what felt like hours, the sky above him eventually transforming into a lavender haze.

He eventually dragged himself the few feet to his own house, stumbling down the steps and into his own bed. He almost immediately fell asleep, and he dreamt that Sid was a lion with a neon green mane tearing the heart out of a gazelle with broken glasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written smut before, and this stressed me out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been struggling SO HARD to write an ending that I’m satisfied with, and I’m still not even sure if I’ve done it. I’m posting it anyway, though! Shoutout to my boyfriend for helping me brainstorm and being super encouraging. He’s a real one. Anyway, enjoy!

The diner hadn’t been a diner in over fifteen years. The building had cycled through various types of establishments – including, but not limited to, a pizzeria and a head shop – and was now one of those minimalistic hipster coffee shops that almost made Dex miss the 90s, when everything was brightly colored and obnoxiously patterned.

Dex also hadn’t seen or spoken to Sid in over fifteen years – not since he left for Chicago. As far as Dex knew, Sid never came back to Milwaukee. Every once in awhile, Dex would run into Sid’s dad or Pam on the way out to check the mail or something. They’d greet him somberly, but they never brought up Sid or how he was doing. Dex didn’t ask. They retired to Florida in 2011, and a single mom with three kids moved in next door.

The first Dex had seen or heard anything about Sid’s music career was a year and a half after he left, when Dex saw his face plastered on the cover of an Alternative Press magazine at a gas station. His hair wasn’t green anymore.

It was simultaneously a punch in the face and a triumphant I-told-you-so moment for Dex, and he bought three copies. After that, Dex couldn’t escape Sid’s presence. His voice on the radio, his face on MTV, his name on the lips of everyone in Milwaukee. It was still Sid’s world – it never stopped being his.

In 2008, Sid got married to a celebrity makeup artist named Brandy. When Dex saw their picture on the cover of a tabloid magazine under the title _PUNK ROCK NEWLYWEDS_ , he cried in the middle of the supermarket. It was a paparazzi shot of the couple holding hands and strolling through downtown Chicago, with Brandy smiling brightly and Sid flipping off the camera. Dex could still remember how his stomach churned when he saw that ring on Sid’s left—

“Hello, sir!” a bubbly brunette chirped as she approached Dex’s table. “What can I get for you?”

”Oh, uh, how about a chai latte?” he replied, giving the girl a thin smile. She nodded and pranced away.

Dex couldn’t help but wonder what ever happened to Nala. He didn’t return to the diner after Sid left, and he hadn’t seen her since.

Dex shifted uncomfortably in his trendy metal chair. He felt too old and too uncool to be there, surrounded by kids in their twenties who were wearing beanies and Joy Division shirts. Had any of them even ever listened to Unknown Pleasures? Dex doubted it.

At one point, a group of Dex’s students walked into the coffee shop. Frazer, who was charming and smart but did poorly on most of his tests. Katherine, Frazer’s girlfriend and B-average student. Then Kady, Katherine’s best friend and on a pretty straight path to being valedictorian. Dex gave them an awkward wave, which the girls returned, and then attempted to look like less of a middle-aged loser by pulling out his phone and mindlessly swiping back and forth through his apps.

Dex had been a high school physics teacher for over ten years. He liked his job, for the most part. He had been told by a number of students that he was one of the ‘cool teachers,’ which meant a lot to Dex, considering he had never been a cool anything before.

After Sid left, Dex spent almost a year doing absolutely nothing. No inventions, no experiments, no hanging out with Julie or anyone else. He spent nearly everyday curled up in his basement, watching Star Trek reruns and wallowing in self-pity. He hardly showered, hardly ate, hardly slept. It was only after his dad said he was _worried_ about him that Dex decided to get his shit together. The old man had never shown anything other than pure anger at Dex’s mere existence. So when he came down the stairs one night, surprisingly sober, and placed a tentative hand on Dex’s shoulder, Dex knew something had to change.

Dex enrolled in some classes at the local community college. He knew he probably could’ve gone anywhere in the country – hell, anywhere in the world – for college, but he was already twenty-four, and it felt too late. He often wondered what his life would’ve turn out like if he had gone to Harvard or Yale right out of high school – if he wasn’t ‘too much of a pussy to leave this shithole town,’ as Sid had said. But those thoughts were too little, too late – Dex was still in Milwaukee, and still too scared to leave.

He was content in that shithole, though. He had never left Milwaukee, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Over the past seventeen years, he had learned how to live without Sid – and he was okay. As much as it may have felt like it had sometimes, the world didn’t end when Sid left.

So why was he sitting in what may have been the exact same spot he was in when Sid told him he was leaving, sipping an overpriced latte and waiting for him to walk through the front door? Dex wasn’t sure. Maybe it was just curiosity, or maybe Dex would do anything Sid told him to without question – even after all this time. And maybe Sid knew that.

Dex sighed under his breath, his leg bouncing anxiously under the table. He had been chewing on the dead skin around his thumbnail and staring at the door for at least fifteen minutes. Of course Sid was late. Apparently nothing had changed in the past seventeen years, but Dex supposed he could wait. He’d already waited this long.

Kady kept giving Dex sad looks from across the room, like she somehow knew what his current situation was. There was no way she did, but it was possible she just knew the face of a man who very well may have been stood up or the butt of some sick joke when she saw one. Teenage girls were weirdly perceptive like that.

He could only imagine the gossip that would be circulating through the hallways on Monday morning.

Dex kept replaying the events of the day before in his head as he waited for Sid to show up. He had gone grocery shopping after school, like he did every Friday, and had an armful of brown paper bags when the house phone he never bothered getting rid of started ringing. Assuming it was spam, like most of the calls he got on that number were, he let it go to voicemail.

He dropped his bags when he heard Sid’s voice play over the machine. It was deeper and more gruff and accent-free, but it was Sid’s. There was no doubt about it.

“Oh, shit, it’s still in service,” Sid said after the beep. He cleared his throat and continued. “I don’t know if this number still belongs to Dex, but if it does—”

”Sid,” was all Dex could say when he finally picked up the receiver. His throat hurt, and he could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes. If he said any more, he knew he would break down into sobs and ramble on like, _it’s you, oh god, it’s really you, I’ve missed you so much, come home._

”Hey,” Sid said, and Dex could hear the relief in his voice. “I’m in town and wanted to know if you could meet up.”

They didn’t talk for long. Dex barely talked at all, actually. Sid just told him to meet him at their ‘usual spot’ the next day at noon.

Dex spent the rest of the night in a state of mixed euphoria and panic. Why was Sid in town? Why did he want to see Dex? Did he miss Dex as much as Dex missed him? No, _you idiot_ , he’s married.

And all of these thoughts were still racing through his head as the front door opened and Sid waltzed in, half an hour late and looking like he just woke up. Dex supposed that was a very likely possibility. Their eyes locked immediately, and Dex thought he might vomit or cry or both. Sid just stood there for a moment, hovering by the entrance like he might turn around and change his mind.

“S-Sid.”

Dex’s voice was quiet and shaky, and there was definitely no way Sid heard him. It didn’t matter, though, because he was approaching the table anyway.

Dex had seen pictures of Sid as recently as a few months ago, but he was still baffled at how different he looked. Dex was still somewhat expecting a scrawny twenty-five-year-old to walk through the door.

People all across the coffee shop stared at Sid as he made his way towards Dex, either because they recognized him or because Sid just had such a commanding presence that it was impossible not to stare. Dex’s cheeks and ears were hot, and he couldn’t decide if he felt embarrassed or impossibly cool to be the one that Sid was meeting.

“Hey,” Sid said as he sat down, removing his mask. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Some things never change,” Dex replied, attempting and failing to sound light-hearted.

“Look at you, John Lennon.”

”Ha, yeah. I mean, uh, what?”

Sid pointed at Dex’s glasses, which were round wire frames and much more stylish than the thick-lenses that took up his entire face that he used to wear. Dex let out an unsure chuckle, still a little unsure of what Sid was talking about.

“Hey, sweet cheeks,” Sid said as a server passed by. “Can I just get a cup of coffee, black?”

She nodded earnestly and went off to grab Sid’s drink, returning in just a few seconds with a steaming mug. Sid thanked her with a wink, which caused the girl to blush profusely and giggle as she returned to the counter. Dex wasn’t sure why, but he felt jealous. Either of Sid for getting such positive attention, or of the server for getting such positive attention from Sid.

“Jesus,” Sid said, leaning back in his chair and taking a long sip of his coffee. He was smiling, that sharky grin that showed off the gap in the side of his teeth. He was still immensely handsome, even with the extra weight and graying hair. “You look good, man.”

Dex shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.

“Thanks,” Dex replied. He couldn’t help but smile a little bit at the compliment, even if Sid was just being polite. Then again, it wasn’t like Sid to lie just for the sake of civility, so maybe he meant it. “You do too. I think I like that better than the green.”

Dex gestured towards Sid’s thinning hair, and Sid chuckled deeply.

“Shit, yeah. You were right about them making me change it.”

“Sorry.”

”Don’t be,” Sid shook his head. “It was the right choice. As much as I hate to admit that.”

“Yeah. I actually, uh, remember seeing a picture of you. Without the green hair, for the first time. It was on the cover of some magazine. I wanted to, like, tell you I told you so—”

Sid was chuckling again, and Dex realized he was rambling. How could he not, when he had nearly twenty years of life that Sid wasn’t there for?

“Did you buy a copy?” Sid asked, as if he didn’t already know the answer.

”Three,” Dex admitted.

Sid snorted.

“Well,” he continued, leaning forward on his elbows. “I really appreciated those royalties in the early days, so thank you.”

”You’re welcome.”

They sat in a silence that was neither awkward nor comfortable for a few minutes, both of them sipping their drinks and avoiding eye contact.

“Fuck,” Dex muttered after awhile, and Sid sighed and nodded, like he agreed with that sentiment.

”So,” Sid started, finally looking back up at Dex, “how’s your old man?”

”Dead.”

“Well,” Sid held up his mug in a toast. “Good riddance.”

“Yep. About five years ago. He was a nasty bastard right up until the end, too.”

Sid chuckled, but it sounded sad. Like he regretted leaving Dex here to fend for himself against his dad. Dex scowled, getting angry over his abandonment all over again.

“Anyway,” Dex sighed, an edge to his voice now. “How about your dad and Pam? Haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“They’re fine,” Sid said. “Living it up in Fort Lauderdale,” he continued, glancing at the snow outside and frowning. “They used to keep me updated on you, when they still lived here. I asked about you a lot, probably an embarrassing amount. They never said if you asked about me.”

Dex’s stomach churned at the idea of a young Sid alone in Chicago, on the phone with his dad and hearing about how Dex had practically locked himself inside for a year because he couldn’t live without Sid there. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

“I didn’t,” he muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t blame you, really. But, uh, they told me when you went to college and when you graduated and when you started teaching. I’m really proud of you.”

”I figured you’d be disappointed that I never grew balls big enough to leave town,” Dex retorted.

Sis furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, like he was in disbelief.

“Dex, no,” he scoffed. Dex crossed his arms and scowled, and Sid pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “I know I said some fucked up things when we were kids, but I didn’t— fuck, you’re still so difficult.”

Dex was getting frustrated too. Maybe a little with Sid for showing up after nearly twenty years and acting like everything was fine, but mostly with himself for subconsciously trying to sabotage it by being a petulant brat. He just wanted so badly to protect himself from the surmountable hurt he was going to feel when Sid inevitably left again.

“Does Mrs. Gallegos still teach algebra?” Sid asked after a few beats.

”Ha, yeah,” Dex replied, allowing himself to chuckle. “She’s, like, seventy. And she still scares the shit out of me, too.”

Sid chuckled too. Softly at first, then harder and harder until it was a full-belly laugh. Dex was grinning like an idiot, tears of a different kind now threatening to spill onto his rosy cheeks. They both laughed heartily for awhile, staring at each other with shimmering eyes and ignoring the strange looks they were definitely earning from the other patrons of the coffee shop.

“Fuck,” Sid said once their laughing died down a bit, his shoulders and stomach still bouncing sporadically. Dex wiped his eyes with his thumbs and sighed, feeling blissed out and hazy. “I haven’t laughed like that in awhile. Jesus, fuck. I missed you.”

Dex’s heart skipped a beat when he heard Sid say what he had been longing to hear him say for seventeen years. He wanted so badly to say it back, and more. But he stopped himself, knowing that he couldn’t let himself get too close again unless he wanted to be heartbroken all over again.

“So,” Dex started, trying to keep his voice level, “how’s your wife? Uh, Brandy, right?”

“Oh. I’m, uh, getting a divorce.”

“Oh.”

”Yeah.”

”I’m sorry.”

Dex allowed himself to look at Sid’s left hand for the first time since he’d arrived. No ring.

“It’s okay,” Sid said. “It’s been bad for a long time. Or maybe it always was, I don’t know. I was under a lot of pressure to clean up my act and appear, I don’t know, _normal_ when I married her. Label was pushing me to settle down, and it all happened way too fast. Even if that wasn’t the case, though, I don’t think her and I ever really had a chance.”

“Oh, I, uh— why? I mean, why don’t you think you had a chance?”

Sid leaned back in his chair and gave Dex a look that said, _you know why_. Dex felt his heart flutter at the implication.

“Look,” Sid said, his voice cracking in a way that made him seem like the kid that left Dex all those years ago, “I came back to Milwaukee because—”

“Because your marriage fell apart, and I’m your backup plan,” Dex finished.

“What?” Sid guffawed. “No, Dex. Why the fuck would you say that?”

“Because, Sid, isn’t that what this is? You’re bad at being alone so you came back because you knew I’d still be here, waiting for you – but the thing is, ah, I’ve gotten really _good_ at being alone.”

It wasn’t fair, Dex thought, that Sid could just show up after twenty years and give him such intense emotional whiplash. He had been nervous and sad and angry and blissful and angry again all in the span of fifteen minutes, and it was all because of Sid.

“You know,” Sid said through gritted teeth, “for someone who’s so smart, you can be a real fucking idiot sometimes. My marriage fell apart because I’ve been in love with your dumb ass for twenty fucking years. _I_ ended things with Brandy because I realized I’m getting too fucking old to waste my life on someone that will _never_ make me feel the way _you_ did.”

“So you’re having a mid-life crisis.”

”Alright, I’m done,” Sid said, standing up and putting on his mask.

Dex watched as Sid walked out of the coffee shop, barreling through the door and walking out of sight. Dex could feel everyone’s eyes on him as he hastily put on his coat and scarf and mask, pulled some cash out of his wallet, and made his own way out of the coffee shop. The only person he made eye contact with on the way out was Kady, who looked panicked and sad – like the heartbreak she just witnessed had been her own.

When Dex walked outside, he immediately saw Sid. He didn’t make it very far; was just leaning against the side of the building, mask hanging from one ear, lighting a cigarette. Dex stomped towards him, probably looking like an angry child as he did so.

”Dex—” Sid started, taking a drag of his cigarette.

”How is it that you’re rich and famous now, but I’m still paying for your fucking coffee?” Dex spat.

”Some things never change.”

Dex‘s shoulders were heaving as he stared at Sid, who wasn’t looking at him.

“Yeah, well, you owe me,” Dex replied, softer.

“I’d buy you a fucking house if it made you happy, Dex.”

”I already have one of those.”

”Ha, yeah, you do. God, it’s weird that you – I don’t know – that you grew up. I guess I half-expected to see that same scrawny dweeb sitting in there when I—”

“Did you drive here?” Dex blurted.

”Uh, no. Took a cab from the hotel.”

Dex considered this, squinting as he looked up at the hazy white sky. He pulled his mask down and took a deep breath before looking back at Sid.

“Well, come on,” he said. “My car is back this way.”

“Oh, _oh_ , okay. Yeah, lead the way.”

Dex grinned, and so did Sid as he tossed his half-smoked cigarette into the sidewalk. It felt like an unspoken truce. They walked back to Dex’s car in silence. Sid stayed a few feet behind Dex, and Dex appreciated the space. It felt good to have a moment to just breathe, but it also felt good knowing Sid was right behind him.

“Nice wheels,” Sid said once they arrived at Dex’s 2009 Kia Sportage.

Dex snorted as he unlocked it and climbed into the driver’s seat. Sid flashed a smile as he followed suit, cramming into the passenger’s side.

“Yeah,” Dex said, turning the car on. “All the soccer moms were real jealous when I snagged this baby up.”

“Oh, yeah. I bet.”

“Jokes aside, though, it’s a good car,” Dex remarked, pulled out onto the road. “What, uh, what kind of fancy car do you drive?”

“Uh,” Sid started, fiddling with the handle of the glovebox. “I don’t really drive much. I have a couple of cars, though. Whatcha got in here? Anything good?”

”Oh, god. Don’t. You don’t need to look in there.”

Sid looked over at Dex with a shit-eating grin on his face when he saw the contents of the glovebox. Dex kept his eyes on the road, even as he felt Sid’s eyes boring into the side of his face. His whole face felt hot, and he had a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. Sid pulled out the item that was making Dex’s ears burn: a CD case. On the cover was a close-up of a twenty-something-year-old Sid in front of a red background. He was wearing thick black eyeliner and had a half-smoked cigarette hanging from his mouth as he stared directly into the camera.

”I thought you didn’t like my music,” Sid chided as he opened up the case and removed the CD, inspecting the scratches on the back. “Sure looks like you listened to it a lot.”

“Yeah, well,” Dex shrugged, still staring straight at the road ahead of them. “It was, uh. The only way to hear your voice.”

“You know, a couple of songs on this album are about you.”

”Oh yeah?”

”Yeah.”

”Huh. Which ones?”

Sid didn’t answer because he knew that Dex knew exactly which ones were about him. ‘Milwaukee Is For Fuckers’ and ‘Geek In The Sheets.’ Dex had listened to those two the most over the years.

“Well,” Dex said as he pulled into his driveway, “here we are.”

“Wow, looks the same.”

Sid was staring out the passenger side window at his old house, looking nostalgic in a sad kind of way. Dex tentatively placed a shaky hand on Sid’s knee.

”The lady that lives there now is really nice,” Dex reassured him. “Her name is Nikita. She’s got three kids. I know you hate kids, but they’re well-behaved.”

Sid placed one of his own large hands over Dex’s and squeezed, looking back at him. He nodded.

”I’m sure they are,” Sid replied. “Come on. I wanna see what you’ve done to the place.”

“Ha,” Dex chuckled, turning off the engine. “Not much. Kinda looks exactly the same in there, actually.”

“Whaaat?” Sid said, feigning shock. “You’re telling me you haven’t outfitted it with some super smart AI that does everything for you? No robot maids? I was thoroughly expecting it to be like The Jetsons in there.”

“Shut up,” Dex said, but he was laughing as they stepped out of the car. “I haven’t, uh, invented anything in a long time. God, even saying that sounds dumb.”

“Dumb?” Sid questioned. They climbed the steps to the front porch, and Dex fumbled with his key. “What, inventing stuff? Why? You used to make the coolest shit.”

Dex shrugged, but he could feel himself blushing. He finally managed to unlock the door and step inside, Sid following close behind him.

“Wow,” Sid sighed, looking around. “You weren’t kidding. Looks exactly the same. Like, exactly.”

“Yep,” Dex replied.

“So,” Sid continued, stepping past Dex and continuing to observe the room. “When’s the last time you brought a guy home?”

Dex raised his eyebrows, mouth opening to form words and failing. The truth was, he hadn’t. He had his fair share of hookups, sure, but he hadn’t brought a guy back to his place since— well, since Sid.

“I’m sorry,” Sid said, fighting back a knowing smirk. “That’s none of my business.”

Dex scowled. He removed his scarf and coat and hung them on one of the hooks by the door.

“Give me your coat,” he said, turning to Sid and holding out his hand.

“Such a gentleman,” Sid said, removing his leather jacket. Dex tried not to let his mind wander as his eyes wandered to Sid’s thick, hairy forearms.

“Hey,” Sid said. “My eyes are up here. God. Look at you. It’s still so easy.”

“Easy to what?”

“Nothing. Just. God, Dex. I really missed you.”

Sid had slowly gotten closer to Dex and was crowding him against the front door. Dex’s mouth was dry as he spoke.

“You’ve—” he started, stuttering as Sid leaned down so close that Dex could feel his breath on his ear. He smelled delicious, musky but also sort of sweet. “You’ve gotten sappy in your old age.”

Sid chuckled, and it sent shivers down Dex’s spine.

“Yeah,” Sid said. Dex’s heart felt like it was pounding out of his chest. Sid took Dex’s right hand in his left one and continued to speak. “Well,” he said. “I think I was always sappy. Even back then. I’m just not scared to show it anymore.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Dex said. His voice was barely a whisper. “I remember. I remember how you were the night you left. You kept calling me baby, and I hated it.”

His voice was cracking, and suddenly he felt like was there. In Sid’s basement, right next door, nearly twenty years ago. Everything was falling apart around him, Sid was leaving, and—

Sid squeezed Dex’s hand and brought him back to reality. He wasn’t in Sid’s basement, he was in his living room. He wasn’t twenty-three, he was forty. And Sid— Sid wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’m sorry,” Dex said, finally letting the tears fall from his eyes. Sid looked at him with his big, soft eyes and smiled. “For the way I acted.”

”Hey, it’s okay,” Sid said, bringing his hands up to Dex’s cheeks and wiping away his tears. “Does that mean I get to call you baby now?”

Dex nodded furiously because that’s all he ever really wanted, even back when he didn’t think he did. Sid caught Dex’s mouth in his own, and they both sighed into the kiss like it was the first time they’d truly breathed in seventeen years. Dex pawed at the front of Sid’s shirt, grasping the fabric like Sid might disappear if he let go.

“Baby,” Sid mumbled.

They both grinned into the kiss, their teeth clicking together.

“Gonna call you that all the time now,” he continued. He pulled away and started peppering Dex’s cheek and neck with kisses, speaking between each peck. “Baby,” he repeated. “Baby, baby, baby.”

“All the time?” Dex giggled. “Okay, okay. Stop it. That tickles.”

“All the time. As long as you’ll let me.”

They stayed there for a few moments, pressed against the door and staring at each other with shimmering eyes.

“Take me to bed,” Dex finally said.

“Oh, yes, I’ve been wanting to fuck you in your dad’s bed since the 90s,” Sid replied, wrapping his hands under Dex’s thighs and hiking him up. Dex squeaked, wrapping his arms around Sid’s neck and his legs around Sid’s soft abdomen.

Sid carried him to the bedroom like that, sloppily licking and biting Dex’s neck the whole way there. Dex was surprised he remembered the layout of the house so well, especially considering Sid hardly ever left Dex’s basement when he was there. It didn’t matter, though, because Dex was being tossed on the bed and Sid was climbing on top of him.

“I’m a little out of practice,” Dex admitted as Sid began to unbutton his cardigan. Sid smirked, making quick work of the buttons and peeling the fabric away from Dex’s torso. Dex tore off his t-shirt and then leaned up to pull off Sid’s too.

“You’re perfect,” Sid said as Dex greedily palmed at Sid’s chest once his shirt was off. Dex just grinned in response, blush starting at the tips of his ears and moving all the way down to his chest.

Sid pushed him back, laying on top of him so their bare chests were pressed flush against each other, and kissed him. Dex ran his fingers through Sid’s hair as they kissed, lazily licking into each other’s mouths like they had all the time in the world. Maybe they did, Dex thought, after waiting so long

Sid palmed at Dex’s growing erection through his jeans, and Dex moaned breathily into the kiss. Sid grinned, like, _oh yes, I’ve still got it._

Sid undid Dex’s jeans with one hand, which was something he was always able to do and it never ceased to amazed Dex. Dex wiggled out of his pants, leaving him in his boxer briefs beneath Sid. Sid groped at Dex’s cock through the fabric, and Dex groaned. He thought he might come just from that, from Sid’s warm hand palming at him through that thin layer of fabric.

“Am I crushing you with my fat gut?” Sid inquired, slipping his hand into Dex’s underwear and wrapping his long fingers around his shaft.

“N-no, ah, you’re amazing,” Dex whined. Sid chuckled, his whole body vibrating as he stroked Dex slowly.

“Well, thank you. But, uh. Gonna need you to prove it.”

Dex whined, jerking his hips up into Sid’s hand. The pace Sid had set was agonizing, and Dex wanted – needed – more. Even after all these years, Sid knew exactly how to tease and torture Dex to the point of practically melting.

“Come on, baby,” Sid cooed.

Dex rutted upwards one final time before coming. He dug his fingernails into Sid’s shoulders as shot warm spurts across his stomach and Sid’s hand. Sid continued to pump his hand, drawing out Dex’s orgasm as long as he possibly could. Dex whined at the overstimulation, burying his burning face into Sid’s shoulder. Sid eventually removed his hand from Dex’s softening cock, placing a gentle kiss to Dex’s temple.

“F-fuck,” Dex mumbled, drooling onto Sid’s shoulder. “Give— give me a minute.”

“Take your time, baby,” Sid said, falling onto his side next to Dex and running soothing fingers through his hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You better not,” Dex said, his eyelids starting to feel heavy. “I’m not doing this shit again in another twenty years,” he continued. “I’ll tie you up and keep you in the basement if I have to.”

“If you’re into bondage, babe,” Sid grinned, “just say so.”

“Oh, shut up. I mean. Maybe. But not right now. Now I just want you to fuck me.”

Sid chuckled, leaning over and kissing Dex again. They made out until Dex was hard again and humping Sid’s thigh like a horny teenager. Sid took off his own jeans and boxers at some point, leaving them both naked and tangled up in each other. Dex whimpered when Sid pulled away, leaning up on his elbow.

“So needy,” Sid chided as Dex kept groping for his large figure. “Where’s your lube?”

“Nightstand. Drawer. Please, Sid. N-need you.”

“I know, baby.”

“Need you s-so bad. Ah, fuck. Y-you’re so— fuck. Sid, please.”

“Sh, I gotchu.”

“Oh, god. Y-yeah. Fuck, Sid.”

Sid was pushing into Dex, slowly, grunting with each inch until he bottomed out inside of him. The entirety of the sex was slow and careful and perfect. Dex always thought that the phrase ‘making love’ sounded silly, but he finally understood it. It was calm and safe and easy, and it was everything Dex never knew he had been missing.

“Fuck, baby,” Sid moaned after fucking into Dex for awhile. “Gonna come.”

He stilled inside of Dex, climaxing with a loud groan. They laid together for awhile after that, a mess of sticky limbs and blissful sighs. Dex eventually convinced Sid to join him in the shower. They washed the come off of each other, then ordered pizza and settled in on the couch together. Dex rested his head on Sid’s lap while they watched some low-budget made-for-TV horror movie on the Sci-Fi Channel, and was nearly asleep when a thought popped into his mind. He abruptly sat up, making Sid jump in his seat.

“Whoa, whoa, what’s up?” Sid asked, looking concerned.

Dex tried his best to look stone-faced, eyes boring into Sid.

“I need you to do something for me,” he said sternly, earning a confused eyebrow raise from Sid. “I need you. To do the accent.”

“Oi, you cunt, I bloody love ya.”

Dex giggled, and Sid grinned before pulling him into a kiss. And after twenty years, Dex finally realized he was exactly where he was supposed to be – right where Sid left him.


End file.
